Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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