Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
