i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
