I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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