I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
