yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
