do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
