The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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