Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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