i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
