I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
