I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
