ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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