I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So vagazzling was a success
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
