Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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