We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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