okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
