wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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