We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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