Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
