At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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