I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
