I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
