Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
