Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
