3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
