It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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