i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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