I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
