You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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