U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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