remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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