It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
