someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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