I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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