She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
