God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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