My boss' voice literally gives me gas
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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