just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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