i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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