I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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