Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
