A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
