I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
