I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
