so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
