dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
