The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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