I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
