You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
