i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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