all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
