It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
