I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
