Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
